heatherhargrave - Ballyhoo Bridge

Be the Gift

Posted on May 17, 2022March 1, 2023 by heatherhargrave

Today would have been my moms birthday… it’s always a weird day for me. I always feel a bit lost… like I should be doing something, but I’m not. It feels like a lifetime ago that she passed. I remember being in a fog for so long after. I worried I would forget her.

Of course, I haven’t… but there are things I’ve forgotten.I don’t remember exact birthdays or Christmases. I don’t remember a lot of gifts. What I do remember is feelings. I remember the laughter… her gentle touch… how she always took care of me… how I always felt loved and safe.

I wonder what she would think of my life now. I wish she could have met Will. I can just hear her voice saying sweet William. She would have spoiled him rotten!

As a mom, I’ve struggled with am I enough. Am I giving my son enough? Does he want for things?

I remember one year, money was tight and mom said, Christmas won’t be much this year. She was one who loved us to give us gifts… she always outdid herself at Christmas. We didn’t really care about the gifts but it worried her. Somehow, in the end, they managed to pull together money and my dad sent us shopping. We laughed an entire day I think. The kind where your stomach hurts and you have to catch your breath! One clerk even commented… you guys have fun together don’t you? I remember pausing and thinking, we don’t always, but today we do. Other days we let life get in the way and forget to laugh and have fun together.

I’m a little fuzzy on what our gifts were that year, but I will never forget the smiles and the connection we made that day.As much as I worry about gifts… finding the perfect one. Worrying this Christmas won’t be much… the truth is, I believe how you treat people is the gift. The feeling you leave them with. Not to say some gifts aren’t huge and unforgettable, but even then, it’s the feeling that went with it that tends to stick with you years later.

Be a gift to someone today.

Happy birthday Momma!

Kindness

Posted on March 20, 2022May 14, 2022 by heatherhargrave

Today I met an amazing man named Demetrus. I hope I don’t get him into trouble with my story. I went to 5 minute oil change on my way to work. Everything was going great until they ran the credit card. Their machine wasn’t working. You could tell they were aggravated, as someone the night before had neglected to charge the machine but that was NEVER directed at me. I waited patiently… it wasn’t their fault and they apologize for my wait. After a while, one of the men asked, are you on your way to work. Yes, I was… what time did I get off? 5… he said, look I don’t want you to be late, so just go and come back after work to settle up.

I think I probably looked at him like he had 3 heads and I said, look I’m good, I don’t want to mess you up. He said I wouldn’t and he was the manager so it would be fine. I promised him I would be back at lunch with cash. He said, I believe you… I trust you.

Let’s be honest… I doubt this is a bank breaking paycheck that Demetrus gets. He’s working hard and I’m sure he will have to answer for that $80 if I don’t come back.

I trust you… My heart melted… What a kind man, to think of me and what issues it could cause me at my job knowing it could potentially cost him at his.

Around 12:30, I made it back with the $80 as promised… he came to my car to offer me water and I said, NO, I have your money from earlier. Then I watched the recognition go across his face and he says, OH, I forgot all about that and then he smiled. And it was a beautiful smile. A smile that spoke many things. He trusted me and I didn’t let him down. I could have easily gotten a free oil change and it seems that everywhere we turn these days, that is exactly what would have happened. And I certainly wouldn’t have expected someone to say, just go… I trust you to do the right thing.

I did something next that is a bit new for me… Normally, I would be a bit shy and just smile and say thank you and leave it at that. But this time I didn’t shy away, I looked him dead in the eye and said thank you for what you did for me earlier today. You are a good man and I appreciate your kindness. It meant a lot to me.

I’m not completely sure what went through his mind but I know what I saw on his face and it seemed maybe people don’t take the time to tell him that very often and that made me sad. It made me sad that an act that was actually quite simple seems so rare today.

We are strangers… I may only ever see him again in my life when I get my oil changed next. But today, we shared a mutual respect, a kindness and gratitude. And the truth is, it all transpired in a matter of minutes and took minimal effort.

How different would the world be if we all took a moment to consider someone else as we go about our day? To not just react, but to really listen and react with kindness instead of anger, or worse, indifference. To actually help each other.

I am not the type of person to skip out or leave Demetrus hanging, but he didn’t know that… but if I were, his trust in me would have made me different. His trust would have made me want to be trustworthy.

Do unto others… you know the rest right? Perhaps treating people with kindness and compassion will help them feel more worthy of it and they will in turn want to give it to others… You also find yourself wanting to be treated that way yourself… and round and round it goes where that act of kindness becomes the norm versus feeling so foreign and we begin to help each other understand our worth. In reality, it’s really quite a simple thing to do. It just takes us looking up and looking out from ourselves for a few moments. Well done Demetrus. Thank you for being the example and a reminder