Today would have been my moms birthday… it’s always a weird day for me. I always feel a bit lost… like I should be doing something, but I’m not. It feels like a lifetime ago that she passed. I remember being in a fog for so long after. I worried I would forget her.

Of course, I haven’t… but there are things I’ve forgotten.I don’t remember exact birthdays or Christmases. I don’t remember a lot of gifts. What I do remember is feelings. I remember the laughter… her gentle touch… how she always took care of me… how I always felt loved and safe.

I wonder what she would think of my life now. I wish she could have met Will. I can just hear her voice saying sweet William. She would have spoiled him rotten!

As a mom, I’ve struggled with am I enough. Am I giving my son enough? Does he want for things?

I remember one year, money was tight and mom said, Christmas won’t be much this year. She was one who loved us to give us gifts… she always outdid herself at Christmas. We didn’t really care about the gifts but it worried her. Somehow, in the end, they managed to pull together money and my dad sent us shopping. We laughed an entire day I think. The kind where your stomach hurts and you have to catch your breath! One clerk even commented… you guys have fun together don’t you? I remember pausing and thinking, we don’t always, but today we do. Other days we let life get in the way and forget to laugh and have fun together.

I’m a little fuzzy on what our gifts were that year, but I will never forget the smiles and the connection we made that day.As much as I worry about gifts… finding the perfect one. Worrying this Christmas won’t be much… the truth is, I believe how you treat people is the gift. The feeling you leave them with. Not to say some gifts aren’t huge and unforgettable, but even then, it’s the feeling that went with it that tends to stick with you years later.

Be a gift to someone today.

Happy birthday Momma!